Ultimatum #4
This review written by James Hunt on Jun.09, 2009.
What is there that’s left to say about Ultimatum? My opinion of the comic can be summed up in two words: It’s bad. Or, if you like: REALLY Bad. But then, you knew that, right? No-one with an ounce of sense could possibly be under the delusion that it’s anything other than terrible. Frankly, if you like this comic, and you are not Jeph Loeb and not related to Jeph Loeb, then you have no excuse for any other opinion.
The thing is, after 4 issues of this utter, utter garbage, I’m far beyond hating it. I no longer have the energy. And these are the reasons why:
1. Loeb barely acknowledges that the Ultimate Universe exists. The Ultimate Hulk is acting like the Marvel Universe Hulk. Ultimate Dr. Strange is acting like the Marvel Universe Dr. Strange. Does he even know what he’s writing? He certainly doesn’t seem to care about it, after all.
2. Angel dies. Doctor Strange dies. Both suffer a gory and gratuitous on-panel death. The Ultimate version of Strange was barely established, and now he’s dead. Are we supposed to care? What’s the point? Spider-Man also “dies”, and aside from the fact that the Kitty is shown discovering Peter’s mask in scenes that contradict Ultimate Spider-Man, the differences in the quality of the writing on the Ultimate titles becomes starkly evident. Bendis devotes a silent issue devoted to showing the tragic loss inflicted by Spidey’s “death”. Loeb has Wolverine turn up and go “SPIDER-MAN IS DEAD?” in about the least elegant possible way. I’m aware the contexts are different, but really, this level of subtlety would insult B-movie writers.
3. Ultimate Nick Fury uses the word “bungholes.” I’m going to spell that for you just to emphasis how stupid it is. B-U-N-G-H-O-L-E-S.
4. Magneto gets his arm cut off. Not only is he somehow unable to prevent this, despite the fact it’s done with a METAL sword, but he manages to keep fighting and delivering biblical monologues afterwards.
Reading a comic like this doesn’t just upset me. It causes me to lose all faith in the industry. Children’s cartoons are written with more care and attention than this. You could take the most gibbering, ridiculous fanboy off the Internet and have them write up their most demented Jubilee Vs. Galactus fantasy script and you’d come up with a better story than this. And yet Marvel are not only paying Loeb to write this, they’re actually allowing it to be drawn and sold as a real comic. Why? Why?
The real question is – who’s buying this? I know I didn’t. Is it you? Is it one of your friends? And if so, why? Why do you hate comics? Ultimatum is, without any hyperbole, one of the worst comics I’ve ever read – and the only reason it’s not the worst is because Loeb also wrote Ultimates 3 and Onslaught Reborn and somehow, they manage to be slightly worse.
June 10th, 2009 on 2:02 am
I agree. I picked up Ultimatum 4 and Ult Spiderman in the store and read them back to back…and got whiplash. How is it that the silent comic is by far the better written?
Oh, right. Because of Loeb. My hatred for that man has grown exponentially. I think I nearly popped a blood vessel when Dr. Strange bought it.
Anyway, I think we’ll end up looking back on this as the end of an age; an age when Ultimate Spiderman was good, when the Ultimate Comics were good, and when Loeb was safely elsewhere. Now that he’s part of the new Ultimate universe, I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere near the place.
June 10th, 2009 on 4:37 am
I stopped asking the “Who’s buying this?” question months ago, since there is no logical answer. None at all. I don’t know if Jeph has his friend’s buying copies or if his longtime fanbase is really that strong. Maybe the kids love it because it’s got ridiculous violence and bad language or something?
The only one question I ask is “Who are his editors and why are they getting paid to do it?” I understand his books are at the top of the sales charts every month (god knows why) but doesn’t Marvel have any shred of self-respect? There has to be at least one professional willing to tell him that he’s completely lost his ability to tell a story. Of course, Miller and Claremont are still around too, so I guess he’s not exactly alone in that regard.
At least it’ll be over soon, right? Of course, we got Ultimates 4 or whatever right after it, so I guess we’ll be reading about the downfall of the ‘Ultimate’ line in a different way. Hopefully.
(Sidenote: Speaking of tidal waves signifying the end of good alternate Marvel universes with creator problems leading to the end of the line…does anyone else miss 2099? I’d much rather see Peter David restart/continue that section of the Multiverse than more of this.)
June 10th, 2009 on 12:39 pm
I don’t know what you guy’s are talking about, but I’m glad that Marvel stopped publishing “Ultimate” books after Ultimates 2 #13.
I’m also glad they never wrote an awful origin for Ultimate Iron Man that gave him some kind of stupid healing factor, or gave him a dumb sci-fi reason for his alcoholism.
I can sleep easy knowing that these things NEVER HAPPENED.
June 10th, 2009 on 7:39 pm
Jubilee v Galactus!
Make it so!
June 30th, 2009 on 4:13 pm
Agreed with this article 100%.
Just a note, that I have blogged about the death of Ult. Strange on my blog.
http://tinyurl.com/m6wwqo
Not sorry to see him go, but man… what a horrific piece of writing.
~P~
PTOR