Various European Spidermen, a user’s perspective on the newsarama overhaul, yet more reportage on the Captain Britain media storm the UK is weathering, a quick look at an interesting new “beginners guide to comics” and the usual Den of Geek links! All in today’s (just scraping in on) Sunday Pages!
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The issue opens with the aftermath of the red hulk destroying a helicarrier. Now, I know this isn’t Loeb’s fault so much as Marvel editorial’s, but seriously, how many Helicarriers are there? Seems like half the time the only reason they ever show up is to be destroyed. Let’s just say I’m not the only one who’s noticed. The thing about storytelling is that if you repeatedly destroy a SHIELD helicarrier, it ceases to seem threatening when someone does it, and what’s more, SHIELD start to look like a bunch of muppets. Someone needs to balance this out ASAP by having SHIELD show up and actually do something helpful that doesn’t end with the helicarrier blowing up, for a change. Or maybe they’re took SKRULLY for that.

The rest of the issue - well, it’s just more of the same now. If you were, for whatever reason, intrigued or entertained by the Red Hulk saga, good luck, there’s plenty more of it here. As for who the Red Hulk is, well, with the Rick Jones theory properly debunked, it seems fairly obvious that Loeb is pointing at Doc. Samson, using the same deeply obvious narrative feints he employed in Ultimates of having people say “Doc Samson disappeared, then the Red Hulk showed up!” - as in Ultimates, whether it’s a misdirection or not isn’t clear, but for the sake of good writing everywhere, I hope so.

Now, to be fair, this is by far the best issue of the series, but that’s not saying a huge amount. One definite criticism worth levelling is that there’s not a lot of story here at all. Perhaps Loeb is trying to play to McGunness’ strengths by focusing on splash pages and spreads, or perhaps he’s just gotten lazy. Either way, as a result Hulk #3 is the light comic that won’t spoil - or sate - your appetite between real stories.  To Loeb’s credit, I find myself intrigued by what Banner and Ross might have talked about that they kept secret, but it’s not enough for me.

At the end of the issue, Banner escapes his cell by, er, changing into the Hulk and smashing his way out. At this point, imagine me rolling my eyes. The man destroyed most of New York and enslaved a bunch of heroes and they way they deal with him is to lock him in a cell that can’t even hold him. Really? And the triumphant return of the Green Hulk, who was so vengeful he almost destroyed the planet, is… a return to the old childlike Hulk? Pak’s near-masterful Hulk epic is being effectively erased from history. So much for the “amazing” third act of Planet Hulk/Word War Hulk we were promised Loeb would deliver. The title’s become a complete train wreck and I’d sooner see Loeb off it for good. Avoid. At all costs.

This week, a look at the Incredible Hulk trailer, James Robinson’s return to the DCU proper, Chris Weston’s All-Star Superman challenge, Joe Kelly on Spider-Man, and everyone and their cat joining the X-Men creative teams.

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Okay, we’ve gone on about it enough. Time for that one last push to make you read Ultimate Human.

Ellis is the kind of writer who’s very polarising. There’s a lot of personality about him, and he’s undoubtedly often more interested in hanging a story off his futurist concepts than the other way around. That said, this seems to be the best way to deal with his quirks - give him a series that’s free to play them out.

In Ultimate Human, Ellis brings together the ultimate technological and biological expressions of humanity - Tony Stark as Iron Man, and Bruce Banner as the Hulk - and allows them to bounce off one another in a spectacular fashion. The examination of how the Hulk’s biology adapts to hostile environments is particularly entertaining, and something that fits into the Ultimate universe beautifully.

Even as Bruce and Tony appear to have finally found a cure for the Hulk, the Ultimate Leader hatches a plan and attacks their base. Or rather, he gets someone else to, he largely sits around ranting. It’s a typically Ellis take on the character, but certainly an entertaining one. Presumably, the next two issues will follow the usual path of Hulk “cures” and it’ll fail just in time for Banner to save everyone and thunder off into the distance.

That said - we can’t be sure. There is absolutely no doubt that this is the true sequel to The Ultimates - it’s the only place where the characters and themes are preserved. More importantly, it’s a story that you can only really tell in the Ultimate universe, which is still young enough that Banner and Stark can realistically be attempting this for the first time, and we genuinely can’t be sure of their success or failure.

Cary Nord brings to the table some great comedic timing and a flair for action, proving with this series that he’s more than ready to become the next superstar artist - his work is starting to shows all the good elements of the Kubert brothers who were also helping to define the Ultimate universe shortly before they were snapped up by DC, so let’s hope Marvel have the good sense to keep him around. With Ultimates 3 dying on it’s arse, the whole imprint needs to make sure it clings to anything good that comes along - Ultimate Human would be a good start.

Okay, just so we’re clear - this blog isn’t going to turn into some kind of anti-Loeb forum - god knows I’d rather be reading good comics than reviewing his bad ones - but it’s also not my fault that Hulk #2 and Ultimates #3 came out the same week.  It IS my fault that I gave his Hulk run a second chance, though. I do genuinely love the Hulk as a character, and foolishly, I thought it couldn’t get any worse than issue #1…

The issue opens with Iron Man, Maria Hill and She-Hulk investigating the murder of the Abomination by the Hulk. (I’m not going to mention that Stark and Shulkie weren’t really on speaking terms at the end of Civil War. Oh, oops.) Doc. Samson and Thunderbolt Ross are around, though largely off-panel, and it’s never mentioned what they learnt from Banner last issue, if indeed anything.

They ascertain that the gun the Hulk used to shoot the Abomination was SHIELD-issue, although they do conveniently sweep under the rug any reason SHIELD would need a gun big enough for the Hulk to shoot. Suddenly, the Red Hulk appears, smashing their new Helicarrier up something chronic. At the same time, someone - either the Red Hulk or someone affiliated with him - unleashes a virus on SHIELD’s computer system that wipes all information about the Hulk clean as he escapes.

Later, Rick Jones, last seen half-naked in the Alaskan Wilderness, has hitched a ride to Gamma Base. Here, he is attacked by the Red Hulk, who makes some vague proclamations about how he thought Rick was dead, and how he’s upset that he’s not. This makes Rick angry, and as we know, in Hulk books, you won’t like it when someone gets angry. He begins “hulking-out” - except he’s not a Hulk. He’s an Abomination. A Blue Abomination. Who calls himself…

Deep breaths….

A-Bomb.

Now, seriously. I know that it’s almost unreasonably difficult to come up with new character names that don’t sound stupid after 60 years and millions of comic characters, but seriously? A-Bomb? And he’s blue because… well, why exactly? Are confusing colour changes just what’s happening now? Expect to see a Purple version of the Leader! A Pink Wendigo! Doc Samson with Indigo hair! Hey man, everyone’s doing it! Let’s sing us a whole freaking rainbow of re-coloured Hulk characters!

Some people aren’t fans, but I find McGuiness’ art largely enjoyable. The action sequence on the exterior of the Helicarrier is undeniably fantastic, and reminds me most of Frank Cho’s Mighty Avengers work. McGuinness, if nothing else, is doing a really great audition for an Iron Man book. With a decent script, I’m confident I could enjoy a McGuinness-pencilled title, but as we know - good art can’t save bad writing. Van Gogh couldn’t salvage this mess.

The Red Hulk does actually show up in this issue, so we’re at least improving slightly in that regard, but let’s not kid ourselves - you’d need to be a real masochist to want to read issue 3 after this nonsense. For now, the Hulk title and I are going to be parting ways. In the mean time, well, I hesitate to say again, but for anyone looking for some decent Hulk action… Ultimate Human…

The Ultimate universe is in such a state at the moment that it’s quite suprising to see a series like Ultimate Human come out – given that it actually fits in much better with the original Bendis/Millar era than it does the current Dark Days Of Loeb, and almost washes the nasty taste of Ultimates 3 out of the mouth. Almost.

After all, while the Ultimate line wasn’t exactly supposed to be “superheroes in the real world” in a Watchmen sense, there was certainly a movie-esque, let’s-attempt-to-justify-the-superhero- weirdness-with-actual-theoretical-science feel to the original triad of Spider-Man, X-Men and The Ultimates that has sadly been lost amid crossovers with Supreme Power and zombie universes. Warren Ellis later brought quite a lot of it to his run on Ultimate Fantastic Four – a title to which he was far better suited than he’d probably care to admit – as well, and he does exactly the same here. So we finally get to see a Banner/Hulk transformation happen (instead of conveniently cutting away), and we get lots of trademark Ellis technobabble making it all sound as if it might actually be possible, kinda.

A dichotomy that The Ultimates has never really examined in any great deal is thrown up here – Banner and Stark as two geniuses at completely opposing ends of the superhero game – and this should hopefully give a bit of dimension to the eventual slugfest between the two characters that the series is being pushed as. In the meantime, though, there’s not a great deal of action in issue #1, but it builds nicely, and throws in a secondary plot layer involving Ultimate versions of the Leader and Pete Wisdom (er – as the same character). Cary Nord’s art comes off quite like a painted version of Stuart Immonen, but for someone new to Ultimate he does a good job – even if his Bruce Banner is a little inconsistent with and without glasses.

The last Ultimate miniseries to start this promisingly was the ill-fated Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk, a book that shares a lot in common with Ultimate Human – both stories that expand upon Banner’s character and nature, and which feel like they could be actual issues of The Ultimates rather than a spinoff series. Where they differ, though, is that Ellis’ story should at least see it through to the finish – and for an imprint so badly in need of a shot in the arm, that can be no bad thing. It’s not going to rescue the whole mess, not by a long shot, but at least it’s a reminder that good stories can still be told within this framework.